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Real talk: Asking someone out is super nerve-wracking. No matter how confident you are, putting yourself out there is a big risk—because getting turned down stings. In fact, a slew of recent research has shown that social pain—the emotional response you have from being rejected or ostracized by others—actually shares some of the same neural and neurochemical substrates as physical pain. In other words, similar things are happening in your brain when you stub your toe and the person you like turns you down.
This is largely why rejection is painful—so painful that you may end up avoiding asking people out altogether or act so nonchalant and non-committal that the person you're asking out doesn't even know if it's a date or not.
This is no way to be. You need to be direct, bold, and confident when asking someone out. If the idea of asking a person out sounds confusing or horrifying, not to worry. We have all the information you need right here: Everything you need to know about asking someone out in a way that will leave you feeling OK, no matter the answer. Whether over an app, text, or in-person—we have the tips you need to score that date or at least try. Here is how to ask someone out without, you know, being weird about it.
We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to making the first move. One of the biggest relationship problems men face is a fear of rejection. Kristie Overstreeta clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. This fear and worry keep us from taking healthy risks such as putting ourselves out there. This type of thinking happens to protect our ego and from getting hurt.
We all do it.
Keep it simple. Just go for it. If they say yes, awesome. Overstreet says not to beat around the bush when it comes to asking someone out. If you do, you'll confuse the person and could possibly find yourself in the depths of a misunderstanding. Be bold about and unapologetic about it. Caginess is for amateurs. They act like some suave, clever womanizer they think the ladies want. Spoiler alert: most don't. This isn't the time to fake it until you make it. Besides, how long will you able to keep up the charade of being someone else?
If this is the case, pay attention to the way in which they respond. Give them a chance to make it happen. Meeting someone and asking them out in real life we know, what?
Start with small talk and gauge common interests. If not, discuss something that they may be interested in depending on the location you approach them at. Read the situation based on your setting.
If they engage with you, keep going. Ask them their name, what they do for work, etc. Just don't be creepy about it. Leave her alone. Some classic romantic films like The Notebook teach men that persistence is a of affection and devotion, but it is absolutely not. It's scary.
Just move on. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. The 3-Day Military Diet, Explained. Westend61 Getty Images.
You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Gigi Engle Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Zachary Zane Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture.
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Here's the Right Way to Ask Somebody Out on a Date